36 weeks 1 day

this is the longest i've been pregnant! i've been on edge since week 35 praying that this little guy would stay put until at least week 37. so far so good. just 6 more days to go and then i can relax!

First Steps!!!

i can't believe it, ryan has taken his first steps!!  honestly, i almost cried.  21 long months of working with him and the moment has come!  just last week i was talking to his pt and craig about how i really didn't think he would walk until after he turned 2 and BAM he proves me wrong once again.  i am so insanely proud of him!!  way to go ry ry!!!!!!!! 

runny noses are cute?

ryan just came down with his very first cold, ever.  not bad for almost 18 months of being sick-free.  he has a slight cough and a runny nose.  i always thought (and still think) it's gross when i see other kids with runny noses, but gosh it's so darn cute when it's your own!

1 in 10,000 chance

that was the chance ryan had of developing an abscess in his eye after strabismus surgery.  how did he get to be the lucky one?  

ryan had strabismus surgery on wed. morning.  i noticed his left eyelid becoming increasingly red on thurs night.  he was admitted to the hospital on fri and that's where we currently are.  he had 1 in 1,000 chance of developing an infection after the surgery.  the first infection for his doctor.  

poor guy has been through so much that i can't (and dont' want to) relive any moment thus far.  he went in for his second surgery today and now his left eyelid is the size of a golf ball.  o.k. maybe not THAT big, but very close to it.  he has refused to open his eyes since the surgery so i don't even know how bad the inside looks.  however, the doctor did warn us that it will look very bad...i'm scared.

doesn't his throat hurt?

ryan has decided that screaming is cool.  he screams when he's excited, he screams when he laughs, he screams when he's mad.  my ears hurt, but i still love him!

2 weeks away

i am finally home after 2 weeks away in montreal and my parent's house. i can't believe how much stuff gets piled up when i'm away! it's def. a lot harder to be away when you have an infant. ryan has been such a trooper, i feel so blessed to have such an awesome son! only a couple more weeks until ry's 1st birthday. although i'm excited, i think God is keeping me busy so i don't think about how sad i am inside.

Motherhood

motherhood is an amazing thing. i have never felt this overwhelming amount of love for anyone or anything before. it's also a bit scary too, especially because ryan has down syndrome. so far we have been so blessed that he has no health problems and especially blessed that he has no heart problems. he's also reaching each milestone within his age range and even ahead in some! despite that, i worry. i worry about his future. i worry about how society will treat him. i worry about whether he'll have friends. i want to hold him in my arms and sheild him from anything and everything that will hurt him, but i know i can't. he has already grown so much. every week i get teary eyed as a new outfit that was once too big, fits.
God has given me ryan so i know He has faith in craig and i to raise this beautiful child. i just hope that despite everything ryan will go through in life, he'll always know that his mommy and daddy love him.